R, 23, Female, Indonesian. Catperson, Fan of Multifandom and The Sims, Random Stuff and many more~
Doing photoshoots again after a long time….
Carlisle & Samara look more like siblings here.
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I have this kind of dream, well, again. Well, my daydreaming to be exact, when I was half-asleep….
I met a guy, I saved his life by risked mine, or I impressed him, and than he started to pay attention to me, or stuck in the secluded place with him, we really don’t know what to do, and then the point is we’re getting closer and we’re just click and then we fell in love with each other, he willing to protect me and do anything to make me happy, I do the same thing for him, we deeply in love, and then he made me sure that he’s the one for me, I know that I safe with him, he won’t lie or cheat on me, I know that we meant to be together and we will grow old together and stuff. I know that finally I have someone who will be loyal to me, really care about me and love me back. I know that I won’t be alone, lonely, empty, and won’t feel unwanted EVER again…. Because finally, there’s someone who needs me, and would feel lonely without me. That finally the wait is over.
And I know, of course I know that is just A dream, just a fairy tale. Just my heart desire, not a reality (at least I hope not yet) but still I DO know too good to be true for someone like me, who doesn’t have anything to be proud of…..
I just don’t deserve it. I know I don’t…. I know if you know the real me you will be disappointed and disgust by me. And I’m too afraid to show it too. So I just don’t deserve to be loved…. Because I know that I am not worthy. And it’s better to keep aloof than one day someone that I love finally know that I’m pathetic and turn back to hate me or mocking me. I would be devastated if that thing happen, more than having usual broken heart-thing, you know. Because I’m too sensitive and over-emotional person. I feel everything to deeply, automaticly. I’m always like that.
Even though I’ve been realized this for quite some time, it still makes me sad, because actually I don’t want to be forever alone, and this kind of dream, having someone who loves me the way I am, loyal to me and all, and want to be with me until the death do us apart is kinda something all I wish for…. But deep down, I know that it’s too good to be true. I know that I’m not the type of person you would falls in love with when you know the ugly truth about me.
And I’m afraid that I won’t be able to change and disappoint you, because I never accomplished anything important or huge, and I’m a failure and super lame. But I’m sincere and hopeless romantic too…. And coward, clumsy, over-emotional, lazy, yet ambitious, childish, crazy, stubborn and selfish too.
I just want someone who will be able to love me the way I AM, honest and loyal to me, pay attention every now and then, could tolarate my awkwardness, understand and helping me to be a better person, won’t give up on me, and make me happy, and willing to spend the rest of his life with me. And I will do the same to him. I want someone who completes me, and cares about me and we complete each other. Someone who won’t break my heart and just playing around with me. The real gentelman, you know? Is that too much? Is that so wrong or bad? Is it?
sigh…… or maybe it’s just too good to be true for me…? Well, at least this dream won’t make me feel so alone, it exists in my mind…. Q3Q
Deep down I’m still hoping that person exists….. and maybe one day I could change to be better, to be someone who deserves and worthy to be loved. Maybe one day. Maybe…..
Worn by Aragorn, Frodo, Legolas, Boromir, and other members of the Fellowship, this leaf pendant is crafted out of sterling silver. Accompanied by a sword to keep you safe even in dangerous situations, this necklace glows bright blue when worn in the dark. Hung on a silver-plated chain. Sold on Etsy.